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WHAT TO EXPECT
Examining your partner’s behavior during the relationship will give you the best clues as to how they will act once you leave.
Danger Ahead—Red Flags to Watch For
If your partner was physically abusive during the relationship, he or she may continue to be physically abusive after the relationship ends.
If there was physical abuse while pregnant or in public, strangulation, threats with a weapon or statements like, ‘If you leave, I’ll kill myself,’ use extreme caution when leaving.
Access to weapons is another predictor of intimate partner homicide.
Don’t Ignore Nonphysical Warning Signs
Take caution when leaving a relationship if your partner showed any signs of controlling behavior, including financial abuse, sexual coercion, isolating you from loved ones, verbal abuse and gaslighting.
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
Contact a Domestic Violence advocate or call a DV hotline for information about shelters or Safe Houses. The Advocate will be able to coach you through all the mechanisms you can use to leave safely and to help you obtain a restraining order.
HOW TO SAFELY LEAVE
Speak to a domestic violence organization about:
- Obtaining a restraining order.
- Helping locate places you could go if you leave your home.
- People who might help you if you left, who will keep a bag for you, who might lend you money.
- Getting a new cell phone number.
- Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.
- Getting your own post office box so that you can receive mail and checks.
- How you might leave. Try doing things that get you out of the house – taking out the trash, walking the family pet, or going to the store. Practice these things.
- How you could take your children with you safely. There are times when taking your children with you may put all of your lives in danger.
- You need to protect yourself to be able to protect your children.
- Putting together an “Escape Bag” of things you use daily. Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
- Review your safety plan often.
WHAT TO TAKE WITH YOU
- Stash a getaway bag
- Driver’s license, passport, birth certificate, bank account information, social security card, health insurance information, prescriptions (similar paperwork for your children)
- Toiletries
- Cash and prepaid credit cards that can’t be traced, checks
- Copies of financial records, your lease or deed, divorce papers, restraining order
- Keys, clothing, small toys or books for your children
- Prepaid cellphone or a burner cellphone without ties to a previous account
Tip: Keep all documents in a secure, digital file.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1 (800) 799-7233
New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline:
1 (800) 572-7233
Find Domestic Violence help by County:
njcedv.org/programs
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